There's this sickening feeling of betrayal welling up inside me..its source I can't seem to phantom...Perhaps this blog system is not that marvellous after all..well..what stupidity had I..fancy thinking that i could pour out whatever feelings that I had right here..where no one knew who I was..How foolish of me! What was I thinking! Ok..that's not the big issue here...Well...right now..there is a whole load of stuff out there for me to face..CONSEQUENCES....talk about it..ha. ha. doing the wrong-right. How apt can that oxymoron be in the context of my past experiences. And then having to face the consequences. HOw have I changed? I haven't in essence..fact is..I've always been one who ran for the home team...be a good person! Be nice..friendly...I hoped so much to fit in...everywhere that I went! My desire came to the point where I almost lost myself. disappeared into thin air ! THe damn eating disorder...sickening. No longer can I walk with my head lifted...my fire gradually being fanned out by the hostile winds around me..I'm surrounded yet isolated, happy yet sad..satisfied yet dissatisfied. I'm a living irony. I guess I shouldn't dream too much. THey say "DAre to DreAm"...but I tell you..that I dream more than I dare... I dream abt being accepted and liked more than I dare to wake up to the reality that I'm just an average girl whom no one really notices or cares abt...I dream abt being a strong girl more than I dare to challenge temptation and not succumb to my own weaknesses..I dream and dream and dream AND dream...that all these dreams are being woven into a big spiderweb of nightmares. I wake up..only to find that I'm trapped in this web..right there in the centre...only waiting for the time to come when I will perish into the stomach of the crafty spider.......the damned devil......
NO! I must combat all these negative feelings!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm NOT WEAK! I'M NOT louSY!! Why, all things are possible with GOD right??? God still loves me right??? No matter how the world hates me....I'M stIll ur CHilD right???? No??????? When I die..I wanna see U father.... I dont wanna burn in hell...... forgive me now and take me home...this world is too much for me to take.....
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+Voices from others+
I walk this planet not alone,
Coz I have Daddy in the sky to hold my hand ;
I can't see Him from down here,
But i would like to know that He's always there .
And no matter how tough this life may be,
I know that home is ultimately not here;
It doesn't matter how much knowledge or fame or wealth I have accumulated,
It doesnt count as the Golden ticket to heaven.
I walk this planet for just a moment,
But I want to make this moment count.
So here I rejoice, I reminiscence,
I ramble, I rant, I revolt;
But please forgive any shortcomings in character,
For I'm merely,
just passer-by on this earth.
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"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
1 comment:
hey gal, it's unfotunate that ur frens are so not understanding. Hey dun feel bad abt pouring out ur feelings cuz this is YOUR BLOG, and u damn right can write watever u want.u've got the right. We'll be supporting u always....
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