Hai. I kindda regret that i went jogging today. Think i should really try to resist the temptation to JoG! Oh my. And the air wasn't really that fresh as expected. However, God gave me nice weather to study in the afternoon though! hehe...

Today is mugging day three. I was studying IT this morning. Did the four chaps that I was supposed to do. Then I went out to NUH 7-eleven to graB a bite. I LOVE chicken roll and cheese sandwich! Though it kindda burns a tiny hole in my pocket..haha ( $2.30 a pack)Anyway, I came back and studied a little BiO. Finished up with the conjugation of EColi bacteria. Those F plasmids, Hfr and F-strains mating ( can u believe it? Bacteria actually MATE?!) and the queer interruppted mating experiments that those mad scientists conduct just to map the genes for E Coli! It's just so impolite!

Anyway, I was really REALLy distracted. Studying at snail's pace today. After my bath I shall attempt to finish up some chemistry. Maybe chap 8 and 5? Chap 7 is such a big headache! What with electron affinities that are less negative and blah blah..Ok..so less negative just means more positive which means more energy needed to add an electron to the gaseous atom which means the atom Hates electrons! blah. And apart from the general trends u have ExceptionS to those trends that are simply, so redundant and only makes me wanna eat ( read: more stressed and frustrated). Hmm. Wait. correction. No more eating to destress. should be " makes me wanna RUN!" (or scream or pull out all my hair or wack the notes with my paddle.)

SmiLe. I think blogging is becoming quite a therapeutic activity for me these days. It's just the time for me to re-focus on my goals and aims. Which are the exams right now. haha..but anyway, I choose to believe that I CAN sTUDY! I can FocUS! And I CAN finish on time! ( and not forgetting, I can make it to Vera's wedding!)

Just a side thought, I came across an email advertising for a journalism scholarship. I was so excited upon seeing it! BUt then again when I saw the date when the talk was being held, I was So disappointed. It was on one of my exam dates. Perhaps God doesn't want me to go into that area. Sigh. I really wonder what does God want me to do? Coz I'm not really sure right now what I am doing in life science. I don't see any ultimate goal Im working towards. Am I just going to go through everything like I did in JC? Learning things for the sake of that coveted degree? I used to think that I liked BIO. But now it seems to be getting less and less (and less) interesting for me. It seems like I have entered the REAL world of BIO, where it's tough competition trying to figure out what in the world was going on in the last pratical session. Oh well, but I still thank God that I didnt do that badly for my pract. Got Bs at least:)

Still. I do wonder what would have things been like if I had gone into mass comm. Would my life have been more purposeful and directed? Would it have been stressful yet excitingly so? Would I have been ending my exams MUCH earlier!!? Haha..ok..the last point is irrelevant. but anyway, I don't have much confidence in my artsy side after laying off from essay writing for almost a year. I looked through those past journalism scholars'profiles and apparently, most of them were from ARts with only one rare gem from engine. Hah. Would they have a place for a science undergrad? I wonder.

If I dared to dream..I would dream that...
I had a scholarship
I had faith that could move mountains
I was able to pray AND move mountains through prayer
I could be more Open minded and less of an introvert
I was somewhere in another country doing something meaningful
I was a cloud, just floating by, never really having a permanent existence anywhere.
I love change. I love the path less followed.
But it seems some irritating part of me is a stick in the mud.
I can't seem to uproot it.
I need to find the courage to do that.