Mumble mumble grumble. Sigh. Today's the eve of christmas. And its 8.46pm. Ususally at this time, i would be out somewhere along orchard celebrating christmas with my friends but somehow, this year, I'm just too tired to do so. Blame it on me for sleeping three hours the previous night. Actually, I was rushing the presents for some of my friends. But ironically, I didn't manage to pass it to them coz I was too tired to meet up with them!

Well, anyway, I was really glad that Eunice, her bf and WeiLing came over to trinity for a visit today! Though they didnt give a response to the sermon today, I believe that it had left an impression on them.

The christmas evangelistic service was good. I felt that the songs could really minister and touch hearts. But somehow, as I was singing, I found it rather difficult to worship 'in spirit and in truth' and not be locked away in my own world, singing only because it makes me feel good. I have to constantly remind myself to open my eyes so that I don't end up in my own world and exclue God. No. Worship is not about self-fulfillment or satisfaction. It is an act of honour, servanthood, thanksgiving and repentance. I worship because I love God. Not because I love myself.

AT times, I think I am my own stumbling block. After joining CM, I start to worry and question myself during and after I serve. This question always bugs me: " Am I acting like a hypocrite?" " Do people see me as one?" Down the stage, are there people who mock me under their breaths, saying to themselves why can this indifferent and unfriendly girl be on stage?

But I know that these thoughts are just from the evil one and I HAVE TO BLOCK THEM ALL OUT.

Tmr's Christmas and I will be serving in both services again. God grant me the faith to believe. To look beyond appearances and to simply realise the great love that you have for mankind and be a living testimony to the great love that you poured into my life.