I am tired of chasing time. It just seems so tough. Suddenly, it seems like I have so many things to do. I daren't even think of what lies ahead. I'm just trying to get over and done with each day. I have two tests this week and I haven't even studied for them. Easter pract took up the whole of my Sunday. I planned to go home early but I didn't. I cabbed home but yet couldn't settle down to study despite not being very tired. I was distracted. I got stressed. And the more I got stressed, the more distracted I was. I even slept with the lights on! So you could say that I didn't have a very restful night. I slept and worried at the same time.

This morning, I woke up feeling dreadful. I have been eating for the past two hours. I can't stand it. I hate myself. I rEAllY hate my Bad habits. When I'm stressed, I start eating. That makes me feel all the worse. Im not solving the problem at all. These few daYS I really feel like the Gideon who chose to keep to himself and hide away in a little corner, away from the rest of the world. I just do not want to have so many responsibilities anymore. In fact, can I just not go to school anymore? I know God said that if I let Him come and handle the problems, I will be able overcome them. But it is just so bloody hard!

Even serving God these weeks is starting to be more challenging. I struggle with my emotions and the inner demons. I struggle to find my acceptance with GOd.

I don't feel like studying for my tests any longer. I don't want to go for trainings anylonger.

If only I could hit my head, suffer from a concussion, lose my memory, erase the things of the past, and just start afresh.

I am not in control of my life. I know I need to believe that God has great plans for me. But right now, it just seems like His plans for me are being destoyed in my own hands.

Then there are times when i think whether I am thinking too much? Being too emotional? (which could be adding unecessary stress into my already screwed-up life )

Yes. On the outside, everything seems to be going on fine. People and their selfish endeavours. Who cares about whether you seem to be behaving rather strangely? HecK. I don't need anyone to bother about me. I'm happy just living in my own world.Status Quo.