Why does this scene keep replaying?
That frozen situation.
That stinging moment.
When words become sharp spears.
Shooting back and forth.
Until finally.
Someone succumbs.
Falls.
Wounded.
Dejected.
White flag raised.

Why do I always come so close
To seeing the sun rise on my side again
And so very quickly
it sets.
And darkness falls.
All over.
It chokes.
It stifles.
It blinds.
It numbs.
When,
will the sun rise on my side again?

Redemption.
How far away it seems.
What can be done?
If anything at all?

Why !
O God, Why!
Tell me what's wrong!
Why do I always see strangers;
When I look at mama and papa.
Why!
Am I not their little girl anymore?
I know I'm grown up,
Almost twenty-one;
But I still want them to love me.
Do they still love me God?
I don't want money
I don't want food,
I don't want things done out of duty
I don't need to make them feel like they are 'good parents'
I just want them to do things from their heart
I just want them to do things not out of obligation
I just want them to be proud that they have me.
Is that too difficult to ask for, Father?

Is it because they have wrinkles?
Because they are just too tired of life?
After six decades of existence?
Am I a burden?
Am I causing their misery?

I hate to see papa idle.
I hate to see mama slogging her guts out.
Why can't they just swop roles for a day?
How I wish papa would help do the housework.
How I wish papa would care more for mama.
And for me.
How I wish mama would look less burdened.
How I wish she could just let me help her do the housework.
I want to help.
But I'll immediately regret after I offer.
She would rather me do nothing.
How I wish I could talk to mama.
Those silly mother -to-daughter talks.
How I wish when I talk to her,
She could just look at me.
And not look somewhere else.
How I wish she could just initiate a topic.
And I'm not always the one
desperately trying to come up with some crappy topic for discussion which would only render her short and most of the time, un-spontaneous replies.
How I wish,
that God would just place me in another family sometimes.