Of smiles, sadness, fears and love.

Reasons for bingeing:

1) I have nothing to do
2) I am upset
3) It's already a habit
4) I am tired

Ways to stop it?

1) Do something!
2) Do something that makes me happy!
3) It's NOT a habit!!
4) Go get some sleep silly!!!

Seems easy. But really, is it?

I shouldn't let this issue take away the smile from my face.
I shoudn't let this issue kill my spirit man.
I shouldn't let this issue kill my joy.
I shouldn't let this issue affect me and God.
I shouldn't let this issue affect others.
I shouldn't let this issue consume me.
There are other more important things in life worth fighting for.
There is more that I can do.
It doesn't stop at me.
It's not all about me.
I have so much joy to offer.
It's ok if things are not in my control.
Because they are all in God's hands.
Dragonboat is NOT my life.
I repeat.
DB is NOT my life.

It's really a mental struggle for me. This is the week. It's only one week. After this, everything will be over. I just have got to give my best by relying on God's strength. I know I have to keep Jesus in my mind as I prepare for the race. I really want to run to Jesus's arms right now. I really want to run to Him and never return to earth. I just want to stay there and say "I'm sorry , please forgive me and I love you." I don't want to be on earth. Life here is so tough. I want to be in heaven. But I'm not even that sure that I have a place guaranteed there for me. After all the empty promises I made to daddy. After all the tears, I still haven't ACTED in faith. I have hardened my heart so many times. I have grown to dislike the word " breakthrough" because I cannot believe in one happening for me. I do not believe in men. I do not fear men. I should not fear myself. But I guess i do fear myself. My greatest fear is that one day, I will wake up and not know who I am completely. Not that I have not experienced that feeling before. I have lost myself in those moments when i was busy eating in front of the stupid com for an hour or so. It's horrible. It is during those moments that I suddenly do not see that I have an identity in Christ. I become blind to the fact of how blessed by God I am to be a serant for Him at church, to be a light for Him at school and at home and to have been brought into His family at four days old when my biological mother didn't want me. How blessed a life I have. Why should I think that I am less than what God had intended for me to be? Why should I doubt? Why should I fear?

Where there is love, there is no fear.

I need to love.

Love my God.
Love my family.
Love my friends.
Love my church.
Love my life.