God I am tired.

I know I need the sleep.
But yet I don't get it.
Then I become grumpy.
Then i become hungry.
Then i start eating.
Then I become grumpier.
Because Im still sleepy.
And I can't sleep with a full tummy.
ARGh.
Give me a break somebody.

So much school work to do.
So much spiritual work to do.
Too much energy given to training.
NO more energy to do QT.
No more energy to do school work.
School work is urgent in the now.
But spiritual work is even more urgent in eternity.
So between present reality and future reality.
Which do I choose?
Thus far,
I've been choosing the present.
I know that I haven't been able to do what i know I should do.
That is to Let go and let God.
It seems so easy to say to others
But it's really really difficult to do it
Especially when you feel that your life is going no where and u really need to do something to get it right again and waiting for God to act seems to be too long.

SIGH.Scream. shout. squirm.
When should I go?
Is it time for me to leave and move on GOd?
Where and when can I find a place to settle my restless spirit?
What can I do?
Where should I go?
I want to be satisfied with what you have given be and
Never to be satisfied with the level of growth in my walk.


"Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you. "

I guess this passage from Psalm 51 basically sums up what I hope to have and hope to be.