Reflect-I-on Life.

I need to take time.
Take time to be quiet.
To sit myself down in a corner.
And just
reflect.

Work.
Physical weariness.
Should never be an excuse.
It should never stop me.
From taking time.
Just to
Reflect.

It's so important.
To think about the day.
The issues.
The sad.
The unfortunate.
The disappointing.
The annoying.
The ugly.

and then there are
the happy.
the fortunate.
The amusing.
The encouraging.
The beautiful.

Most importantly.
It's so important just to take time
To be with God.
Soak myself up in His word and presence.
And just.
Reflect.
On His goodness.
On His abounding provision(of the job no matter how nauseous it makes me)
Amazing grace ( which was evident as I was only given a penalty of three extra working hours to repay for being 1 hour late when it should be about 6 hours!)
And for just being a God who loves me no matter how
many times I have disappointed Him
Doubted in Him
Chucked Him aside and wilfully went my own way.

NO.
I don't want God to go away.
I want God to stay with me.
He is with me, isn't He.
I know it and yet
Because of life.
Because of this world.
And the sin that comes along with it.
How it plagues me.
Sticks to me like a leech.
Sucks the life out of me.
Time and time again.
And yet.
I appear to others as full of life
and joy.
A total juxtaposition
of my and their perspective.
Who am I.
WHO AM I?

" You are a child of God. " says Jesus.

"Yea I know,
I know I know I know."

" But it just sucks when I disappoint God and yet, you tell me He still loves me the same?"

"Well, God's love is unconditional and His grace endless. Most of all, He sent me to die for your sins. To give you a second chance. Not just one, but infinite." says Jesus.

" Oh yes. And that's why I am so troubled. The idea of having a second chance makes sin appear so much easier. As long as everytime i come back repenting with tears and all. You see, i really do feel sorry for letting God down time and time again. I struggle just to confess coz I know it's not the first time that I confess the same sin. But after that repentance and cleasing in God's presence, I feel a sense of vulnerability again. A fear. That I will return to square one.I am sick and tired of this. I want to be free once and for all! I want to step into my life of abundance, not destruction.

Now someone tell me,

Where is the way out that God promised He would provide in the face of temptation??"

And now God says:" For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin. Now, approach my throne of grace with confidence so that you may receive mercy and find grace to help you in your time of need."

" Ok God. I know you went through what I went through. But you are God and I am I, a mere mortal. And about confidence in approaching your throne, I so need that. But right now God, I want to be radical in making a change for you. I want to be perfect, flawless, holy. Just like you are. For you said " Be holy, because I am holy."( 1 Peter 1 15)

At least, I aim for that. But I seem to be my greatest obstacle. God, can you still handle me? Me getting out of hand all the time?

Ah I know you can.

So please Lord.

Would you please send all the angels that you can send to guard me? To guard my thoughts and actions and protect me against the prince of the world? Would you also help me change the way I live? Restore in me a pure heart and mind and give me a firm hope fully on the grace you have given to me.

I WANT TO LIVE NOTHING LESS THAN WHAT YOU HAVE MADE RACHAEL FOR!!!!!!!!

I am part of a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to GOD and God alone! I will declare praises of Him because He and He alone can call me out of darkness into His WONDER-FULL light!

I aim to be like a newborn baby, craving pure spiritual milk so that by it I may grow up in my salvation! And keep growing!! Until the day when I see my father, I want to remain as a child, whom he can still say "You are precious and honoured in my sight".

RAHH!

BREAKTHROUGH! I WANNA BREAKTHROUGH!!!!!!!!!!