OPEN UP!

Today, I knew that the message would be on the Holy Spirit and as usual, such sermons always seem to 'disturb' me in a sense. Why so? Well that's because it would be another challenge of faith to step out and say that I want to receive the baptism of the Holy spirit in terms of the gift of tongues.

There has always been an ongoing battle deep within me. I knew that i really wanted the gift so that I could experience God in a more intimate manner. I wanted to be able to communicate to God despite not being able to articulate my thoughts! I wanted to sing in tongues to Him too! But all the while, i had been so fearful, so skeptical, so cynical- I had put a lid over myself. Nothing was going to come out at this rate, or so I thought.

Fortunately, my lid wasn't air-tight. And actually, God has already sneaked inside me to let me have a taste of His goodness..

There were a few times- I think about 3- that I dreamt that I was speaking in tongues. Oh man. The feeling was liberating. It's like, I felt so empowered, but it all just happened in a dream. Then I would wake up wondering if that was some sort of sign from God that He was going to give me the gift soon, but then, doubt takes over and then nothing happens.

BUT Today, I told myself to -OPEN UP!!!

Those were the first words (other than Pastor Dennis' name) that i wrote in my sermon notes. I just felt led to write "OPEN OPEN OPEN UP!" repeatedly. I guess it was the Holy spirit inside of me ringing the doorbell to my heart. And well, I guess there was also some part of me that was screaming- " This is the day! Now is the time! Go for it!"

Well, I would admit that I did hesitate for a while. But God got the better of me. It was also immensely encouraging to see my lovely jie meis - Grace the 'lang lui' and Min Min the 'lang lui no. 2'-cheering me on:):) Thank you girls!

And so my lid burst open. And then I realised that it had been open for quite a while-just a narrow slit. The problem was that I didn't dare open it any wider. But this time, by faith, I just let it loose.

Well, just in case you were wondering, the lid got loosened while i was standing on the bus one day and found myself mumbling some things. It came just a while. It wasn't intentional. But then it actually came back once in a while.Just that I sort of 'dismissed' it.

Well, praise God anyways! It's a different ball game now. I have a new language to pursue! Hmm, I wonder what language God has given me though. Hearing of how an ang moh babbled Chinese really makes me wish that i was babbling Korean or maybe Hebrew! Haha....Kidding...

Oh and recently, I was rather proud of myself for managing to sit down and read the bible and digest it. Well, perhaps quitting db did me some good:)

God has indeed taken me through a journey. Well, it's not over yet. I believe it is just the beginning.

His grace is sufficient for me! His POWER is made PERFECT in my weakness!

AWESOME!