Revelation part 2: Experienced!

Today as I went to prayer meeting, I was not prepared spiritually. There was an emptiness in me and a lack of readiness to allow God to pour out into my life. Exams are over and after the transient euphoria, a strange emptiness soon creeps in. I wonder, " So now, what?" The typical me would start worrying about finding a job and finding the honours professor and what should i do in the future. And then I also felt this heavy burden or need to 'catch up' on my walk with God after being so 'slow' during the examination period. Yea. Feeling guilty for having not placed him first most of the time and disobeying him. So even though I arrived at church cracking jokes and laughing, it was not long before reality sank in and I was empty, desperate for God to come and renew my heart, mind, body, spirit and soul.

In fact as I was singing the first few worship songs, I was just singing, my spirit and heart was empty. It's the feeling where you are trying to reach out for something but its just impossible no matter how hard you try. But then, With God, all things are always possible.

The first call for prayer was to reaffirm our identity in Christ. It was truly timely. I had a weak identity in Christ. It was good to be able to declare upon myself that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made, chosen by and set apart for God, Born of God, and that God will fulfill His purposes in me."

Then we sang the song, " I see you seated on the throne O Lord, You are high and lifted up,...I cry holy, I cry worthy, I cry holy, to the Lamb." As I sang with eyes closed, God reminded me of a passage that i read during one of those RARE quiet time moments when I read Revelation chapter 7:9-17 on the "Great multitude in White Robes".

v14 : "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb"

v15: " Therefore, they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple"

v17: " For the Lamb at the centre of the throne will be their shepherd;
he will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

When I first read this passage, I told God that I wanted to be one of those in the White robes, purified, sanctified and able to serve him day and night, 24 hours in His temple, worshipping!

Then God gave me a slight glimpse of what that would be like! As the heavenly scene unravelled in my mind, I felt humbled and comforted by the reminder of God's sovereign power and love. I needed to know the fear of the Lord. And I needed to know that He will be able to deliver me and purify me from all unrighteousness. And I needed to know that at the end of the day, there IS hope!

God also told me to Surrender. Again. Guess I didn't really surrender ALL to Him previously.

So Lord, I surrender my academic and ministry ambitions into your hands too! I don't really know what I am supposed to do right now, but I know you will show me in time and make all things beautiful in Your time! Teach me to have a surrendering heart and give me a heart of Love, for You, for Your people and for who you made me to be!