Better

Wasted.
useless.
Unfilial.
The lethal tongue.
Can I ever salvage this damage done?

So much in a day.
Hope deferred.
trying to see His grace through it all.
The waiting time is so painful.
The test of faith.
i don't want to just survive and say "phew". thankfully I survived today, I hope tomorrow never comes.
I want to overcome and shout "Hallelujah!" now I can't wait for tomorrow!

I wish I could be better.
I wish I could shut out the voices in the head.
And the multiple lies of the heart.
I wish I could be more grounded.
I wish I could start living my life
and stop regretting, dreaming of a better life
without even wanting to move a single finger.
Too much whining and hemming and hawing isn't good for me.
What precious time am I wasting!!!

But why is it so hard!
Dear God!
Please tell me You have better things in store for me!
Better family relationships.
Better definitions of success in life.
Better plans to help me grow in You.
Better opportunities to help me be the salt and light.

I wish I could just be better.
But I couldn't be better
If I didn't have you.
So Lord,
I cling on to you.
I'd better.
It's definitely for the best.