Fading light.

I think i'm a bit disorientated right now. Kind of not in control of my emotions and thoughts. Had a mood swing today. I knew it. Bingeing on carbohs( I finished the entire loaf of bread yesterday night).PMS. It came. haha.

It's really depressing. I can't seem to have the will to overcome my issue. I feel guilty time and again. And each time it happens, I feel like I've just sliden 10 steps away from God again.I just want to stab myself.

HELP.

And what now that I am so consumed by keeping fit. I keep thinking about exercising all day. What the. I am constantly worried that if I ate too much or slacked too much I will be les fit. This sounds really absurd. HelP.

I don't want my life to be controlled like this! I don't want to be a slave to fitness! Argh!

I have so many more things to pursue in my life. My musical talents my art my friends my family. WHY should I let exercise take priority!AH!!!

Did I make a wrong choice? TO join the teaM? Is this what GOd wants? Or what I want?

Life feels so fragmented now. SO many pieces. So many issues.

There is practice tomorrow. I somehow feel like I dont deserve to be in CM again. And I got a feeling I may just cry there for the SAME reasons AGAIN. I don't want that to happen. Seriously.

Somehow. WHen asked to join CF. I wasn't that keen even though I had always said that I wanted to the last ime. I somehow didn't feel stirred to pursue my cHRISTIAN life in school. And this is just so wrong.

SIgh
Negative ViBes are here to torment me again.
SOmeone
Please.
SHow me the light.