oFself-esteem and counting my blessings...

Its really the period of time again. When I feel like I'm ballooning like no one's business. But it's ironical. Somehow the more exercise I do, the more big and bulky I get. And its all at the wrong places. Somehow felt 'lighter' when I exercised less. I just had gym today. Went to retake my max weight:

Inclined press: 100
Shoulder press: 100
Lats pull : 80
Bicep curl: 35

Sigh. Guess its inevitable that an already roly poly person like me has to put on more roly pollies...haha...I don't want to end up with stumpy legs and horrendously broad manly shoulders(!) rOLLie pollies..ROLL away!blah>

Today I seriously felt quite demoralised, periodically. Each time i looked at my reflection, I somehow couldnt see the confidence in me anymore. I just couldn't help thinking about how awful i looked. Doesnt seem to show that my appearance matters a lot..but seriously, I think Im killing myself inside. SigH.

WHy does it seem so hard to learn to love yourself and accept yourself for what you are sometimes?

I would gladly embrace the day where I can step out brimming with confidence. Not having to worry about who was looking at me or what kind of impression I was leaving behind. I guess the only people whom I can be around with and not think about my own appearance are those few wonderful and trusty friends that I have ard me..They are the best:)

Anyway, somehow, God indirectly answered a prayer thatI didnt really say.Call it an answer to my thoughts instead. Was thinking about having someone to talk to today. And God sent me Kimpeng and Grace! Haha...so actually I'm quite blessed today. I had lunch with Kimp and studied till 4 with her. Then I went to the library where I msged GracE and found out that she had just finished lessons! So I asked her to PoP by lO...haha..Such fuN:P

SO I shall hereby end with a lil'poem as i've always liked it to be:

Tommorow's a new day.
A better one it will be.
Casting my cares to Jesus,
For I know He'll set my spirit free.

Life is never easy,
It never was meant to be.
But with the Lord walking by my side,
I know things wouldnt be as bad as they seem.

" So Jesus take me in your hand
And make me all that you want me to be.
JESUS! help me understand,
My PURPOSE,
and what you can do to meee...
FULFILLING MY DESTINY."