Sometimes, I tell myself not to think about it too much. I tell myself to shut out everything outside that is unpleasant. Shut out the hurtful comments. It's just me being overly sensitive or paranoid. All these comments that indirectly hurt my spirit and soul. I know that it's a stronghold. That must be eradicted and exterminated.

But it doesn't seem to go away.

Have you ever felt like you just wanted to bury your head deep into a pillow
and never emerge from it?

Have you ever wanted to close your eyes and not need to ever open it again?

Or have you ever thought of packing up and going high up into the mountains and just stay there forever, near heaven, safe and away from all the nonsense down below?

Have you ever felt like you never knew where you truly belonged?

Ok. I know that my postings are like the stock exchange. Unpredictable. One moment Im estatic and the next it seems like i'm experiencing Armmegedon.

But, perhaps that's just how my life is. Ever changing. Unpredictable. One moment it's a calm sea with the warm sunshine dancing atop the water suface. And before I even know it, I'm caught in this thunderstorm and I'm this boat that is struggling to stay afloat, sinking beneath more often than emerging above the surface. Or is it all but just a terrible terrible weaving of sweet dreams and nightmares by the mind. Tis a tricky situation.

Perhaps I can take comfort in the fact that I can still clown around and laugh at my own antics. And, make the people around me laugh. I realise that I really love making people laugh. There were times when the thought of becoming a professional commedian ever crossed my mind, ok, maybe just a part-time commedian. Somehow, when you see that u are able to bring a smile or laughter into other's lives, you just feel like you have brightned up your own life too and suddenly, it seems easier to live life.

I guess, I shall continue to be a candle. To light up the lives of people around me. No matter how dark the world around me may be, I'll continue to burn for others in other parts of the world. And hopefully, someday, real soon, I hope to be able to cause the candles in my part of the world to light up as well.