RAGE.

I think I'm losing control of my dull, little pathetic life. Recently, I've even been losing control of my temper and acquiring a foul mouth. There were so many times when I was just so frustrated with everything that the only thing I could think of was biting my lower lip with my buggy teeth and attempting to stop myself from saying the 'F' word. URGH. What is wrong with me? Ain't an angel no more. But then again, no one living on planet earth can ever be an angel to start of with. Unless you are already six feet under that is.

I hate it when I have to battle my inner demons. This little devil in my head keeps telling me that "C'mon, you can't do this, you are too weak, people will look at you! You are born with a weak character." And foolish me just listens to that voice and hence, I have no advancement both spiritually and in kicking my bad bingeing habits and in improving onmy stroke. But thankfully, THANK GOD VERY MUCH, that I have kicked one of my other bad habits, which I didn't even realise until recently, THANK GOD! But God, could you please help me kick my OTHER bad habit, my MONSTER eating habit? PLEEASSE!!! Everytime, I have nothing to do, no dragonboat and stuff, I will just inevitably think of eating as a meaningful and purposeful activity to engage in, despite eating the same old thing for who knows how long or whatever food there may be, be it a rotten apple. And God, please help me to NOT make losing weight a big issue for myself. Come on, I look fine. I was made so pretty by you. Help me to remove this pair of myopic contact lenses that don't help at all. Help me to see me for who I am. And help me to love and appreciate that. Help me to see beyond the exterior and see the many many many things that are really so much more important that I can do!!! God please come to my rescue!!!!

And Lord, help me to have the courage. To step into another level with you. Help me to be open to the idea of speakingin tongues. Help me break the resistance within me. And could you please silence that evil voice in me that keeps telling me that I am not worthy? Thank You very much.

Ha. Since when did this post become a DIRECT plea to God. Haa.

Anyway, I'm supposed to go for CPM today. And those little evil voices are having a great time making a racket in my head. Oh JUST SHUT UP!!! I am going even though I can't speak in tongues! I am going even if I feel like I can't pray properly! And I am going, because God wants me to be there! And Because I DO LOVE MY GOD!!!!!!! So just SHUT UP Mr. EVIL!