Here I am. First night staying at hall. I think I'm really such a fickle minded person. I had come to school today so full and confident of my decision, that I would not be staying at all afterall. Anyway, i guess it's not going to be as bad as I imagined it to be. I think I would most probably be staying on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday if everything goes well.

It has been a pretty long day for me. I was really overcome by a deep sense of grief and misery in the earlier part of the day. I just felt so at a loss. I wonder if I'm into depression. But then again, God has said that He has put everything that has a name under my feet, 'Depression' included. Hence, I know that I definitely am NOT depressed. But how can I explain this unexplained sudden feeling of loss, weariness, hopelessness that comes about every now and then? Why do I feel like I'm not living the life that God has planned for me? Is it meant to be miserable like this? Is it meant to be an everyday struggle with my vicious thoughts? I feel trapped even though I am free in the physical sense. Am I the author of my own fate? Did i get myself into all this by my own hands?

I so long to have someone to talk to everyday.I know I can talk to God. But. Somehow, I can't seem to feel better even after talking to Him. Argh! What is wrong with me? Can someone please give me a brain transplant? I think I'm being killed by my thoughts.