I want to say that I have overcome.
I want to say that I have a new life.
I want to believe that I have this new life.
I want to take hold of it.
It was such a liberating feeling. To be able to declare that I love Jesus. And water baptism was just my act of obedience and love to God.
But why, why do such things still happen?
Why Lord?
Just when I was happy in my salvation.
WHy Lord? Six hours later I am in conflict with my mum over the issue of baptism?
Am I really the cause of my mum's anger and suffering?
Is her frailty due to me?
If that is so.
What can I do?
Is it wise if I leave?
Lord. I don't mean to be a messy or untidy girl. I don't mean to be irresponsible. I don't mean to forget to clean up after me. I don't mean to make my mum do all the housework.
I feel bad seeing her toil so hard when she is so old. But lord. I just feel helpless. What can I do Lord? Am I really being too pampered? Am I really acting too like a princess at home?
Lord. Teach me to responsibilty. Teach me thriftiness. Teach me patience. Teach me true obedience.
I never knew I would face this problem. I never knew that being baptized a second time as an adult would make her so unhappy. I thought she genuinely supported what I did. But why? Why? WHY? Why doesn't she understand? Why is my water baptism, serving in church causing her so much unhappiness? Why is it becoming the reason for my apparent misbehaviour at home? NO! I don't want my mum to blame my church for my misbehaviour! It must be the evil one. Only trying to steal kill and destroy. I MUST NOT LET HIM HAVE HIS WAY!!!! GOD! COME QUICKLY TO SAVE ME AND MY FAMILY!
HOW Lord. How????????????????????
I feel so trapped. Can't move forward. Can't move backward. Can't help myself. LORD HELP ME. I shouldn't be feeling like this right on the day when I got baptised. NO! NEW BEGINNING! GOD I am screaming out to you. Please don't let my hope be extinguished again.
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+Voices from others+
I walk this planet not alone,
Coz I have Daddy in the sky to hold my hand ;
I can't see Him from down here,
But i would like to know that He's always there .
And no matter how tough this life may be,
I know that home is ultimately not here;
It doesn't matter how much knowledge or fame or wealth I have accumulated,
It doesnt count as the Golden ticket to heaven.
I walk this planet for just a moment,
But I want to make this moment count.
So here I rejoice, I reminiscence,
I ramble, I rant, I revolt;
But please forgive any shortcomings in character,
For I'm merely,
just passer-by on this earth.
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"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
2 comments:
Hello Rachael. Just like what you have said, no human being is perfect. I am not perfect either. But let's not focus on the accusing voices that we are the cause of the suffering of our parents. We are still growing. We will try our best next time. Just leave your parents to God. God will take care of your parents. Jiayou, Heaven's floodgate of blessinngs will pour onto you and your family.
hang in there. will pray for you.
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