Life shouldn't be boring!

The first night of vision rally caught me by surprise. I thank God for waking me up and showing me what was wrong in my life. Or rather, I think I sort of knew.

Despite being involved in a whole plethora of activities, life to me was still pretty much, BORING. I don't want to think about what used to be-how I seemed to be able to juggle so many things at the same time. DB, studies, church, and excel in them too! Everything was going smoothly, until the day that I started losing focus.( O crap, I just went back to the past again)

I started to compare myself with others. Started to be highly defensive in terms of studies. Didn't feel like sharing my notes. Having an unexplained irritation for those smarty pants in class. And before I knew it, I started losing friends. Or rather, the attention of friends.

That's when I started to feel bored. I started to lose the passion and drive I had. I dreaded having to stay back in school to train, didn't anticipate lectures, and basically, dragged my feet to school everday.

I also realised that I was starting to get 'bored' with ministry. Though I would say that I truly look forward to Friday practices because they were more relaxed and didn't require me to muster so much of my spirit man. (Ok, I'm being brutally honest here.) And that affected my actual ministry. It became really hard for me to flow, engage, and I was crying out to God on almost every weekend for a breakthrough in life. I felt increasingly distant....perhaps even right now....

So basically, God just told me today what was wrong. I need to have a vision, a passion and take action. When pastor B asked me what I wanted to do after I graduate and I told her I wasn't sure, she told me that it was time that I start thinking about it since I am about to graduate. Well, the fact that I couldn't give her an answer probably says it all. I have no master plan for my life. And i hadn't been asking God to show me what He wanted me to do either. Am I too comfortable with leading life as it is? Not seizing the day? Perhaps that explains why I am really envious of those who seem to be so focused in life. To have a goal and work towards it. Be it winning a race, taking up a new hobby, having a vision for ministry etc.

I need that kind of grit, courage and uncompromising determination.

Right now, as I am making a decision on whether to quit, what are the factors I am considering? Are my objectives in line with God's vision and plan for me? This i am not very sure. But something I am sure of is that I must bring glory to God at the end of the day no matter what my decision.

If I stay, I must glorify. If I quit, I must also glorify.

I am like a bird in an open cage. If i stay, I will forever be trapped and not know what it is like outside. But if I fly, i fear what I would encounter. But I shouldn't fear right? Coz God looks after me no matter where I am. His plans are always for me to prosper.

Do I love db more than God? Or do I love God more? Or can I love both at the same time? I think the answer is no.

If I leave, my fears are that I will have less friends, be less fit and not be able to salt people. But if I leave, God may send me new friends, help me find new ways to stay fit and send me new people to salt right?

I wonder what it is like on the other side.

I would really like to know.