reflections.

the Road run just ended yesterday. Well, I came in 23rd. Ok...I guess I wasn't really prepared for it afterall. disappointed? YEa. But I told myself that I have to get over it and MOVE on. Well...I guess i shoudn't expect too much of myself. I'm a little overly-ambitious I realise. I really dislike that woman. She's such a hypocrite. One moment she's nice to you..only because she thinks that u have potential and grooming you will help her get a promotion or pay raise. The next, she's not even acknowledging you..just becoz she no longer thinks that u are up to it. Whatever. What kindda motivator does she think she is? A fakie! I hate such pple.

Oh well...guess next time I wouldn't be so stressed up over running anymore. I've proven that I'm not that good a runner as everyone has expected. Ha. ha. Nah nah-nah-ne-poo-poo! No pay rise for you! Ha.Ha. But!I'm gonna train.harder. not gonna let myself slack anymore. I'm gonna train for myself. Not for anyone. U can't blame me for being selfish. I tried to be nice. but realise that I was doing things just to please others. Am I really happy doing everything that I am called to do? taking part in every possible competition? What Do I want?

Why does everyone seem so shallow to me? I myself am guilty of being shallow too. I must stop trying to judge people by their appearances and start looking out for all the pple that are truly good at heart out there(and they need not neccessarily be Christians). No. I'm not thinking of looking for some boyfriend. never. just some people who will be there for me whether I am happy or sad, grouchy or looney. just a bunch of humble friends.i don't deny that I don't have such friends now..cel,xn,wl,wq,charm.....

How funny that at times, I see my own reflection so clearly in others. It is then that I realise how my actions and words may draw pple away from me. with whatever time in my life I have left..I hope to find God once again. I want to believe, I want to see and hear. I miss HIs love. I know my salvation can only come from above. I pray that I'm forgiven. For doing things that I won't want others to do unto me. How philosophical and religious I sound. HOw funny it is that all of this is forgotten; the moment I get back to my daily life.